The One With The Gratitude
As 2011 ends and 2012 begins, this is part one of a two part blog update.
2011
The past year has been a one of change. I broke free from the trap of comfort and not having much to live for outside of the get up, go to work, go home, sleep, get up, got to work routine.
It got boring; it got boring for several years!
And it sapped the me from me.
Although at the time, I wasn't anywhere near breaking point (and even now, I don't think I was, there was plenty more life could've thrown at me before I snapped) but I certainly had lost the fun for life.
8 months ago, I left work - and in the time that has passed and before, I owe an awful lot, to a handful of people. Some in England, some in Australia.
So with as little ceremony as possible, as this is no Oscar acceptance speech. (A with limited use of clichés and such!)
If it means something to you; let me say THANK-YOU
Throughout this whole year, I really have been humbled by what people have done for me. A me that has deep within a small insecurity of over acceptance, no thanks to being bullied as a kid for not being like the crowd.
Friends are important in my life, whether we see each other everyday, once in a blue moon, or only talk by text. I wouldn't be anywhere this year without you!
You mean everything to me.
So as 2011 has ended, I still have a few remaining problems to tackle. But I'm well on the way.
Watch out for part 2. It'll be along soon.
I think I’m broken and have lost something…
As I approach my 6 month resignation anniversary (22nd October); I find myself in a perplexing frame of mind. I'm completely not fussed about not working; not having an income to pay the bills; not progressing anywhere.
I'm not making a mockery of being without a job, and each day I try to wake the sleeping aspirational me.
In conversations along my travels and via various social media avenues; people mention what courses they're attending this week, what they're studying towards next, how an application is going towards a promotion; and i often reflect 'what has made me become so content with this situation?' Its more than a lack of motivation and laziness! I don't seem to spare a moment to ponder; how will I pay for the car this month?
In his address to Stanford University, Jobs says:
I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something...almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure.
Thinking of the first part; If today were the last day... - Like Jobs, I feel that the answer should also be No. But I can't help but answer Yes (and its not even a sheepish sounding yes either!). When really the answer should be far from Yes, I should be out there, in employment facing the world, taking a course, studying towards something....but those aspirations....?
So I think I'm broken and have lost something. I can't really tell you want, when or where I lost it, or even when it broke.
I think I need fixing.
There won’t be a genius here yet
On Friday I received a cold-hearted email from Apple.
A quick skim, picking up the last line "...we wish you luck with your future endeavours...", it confirmed what I feared from an email from Apple. I was unfortunate in my application process and didn't get a job.
In its simplest form, working for Apple retail is essentially a job in a shop. After pondering over this throughout the weekend, I've been left wondering what on earth I could've said that negatively impacted my chances of a job in a shop.
Even calling them up for feedback, resulted in a polite "we're not employing you, so buzz off..." feeling.
So the Apple retail ethos, which they drilled into us at the first seminar;
Our most important resource is our people
Sadly doesn't carry through to the interview stage and apparently only starts when you're employed by them.
10 years gone…
There aren't may events and places where I can recall exactly where I was, who said what and every small detail of a moment. That moment in history is the events surrounding New York and the World Trade Centre.
I was in the office, just finishing up lunch. A colleague entered the room and mentioned the plane accident hitting colliding with the WTC in New York. Everyone in the office hit the internet and all the news sites; which had all collapsed under the stress of all the world attempting to read and see what was going on.
As the internet had caved under the demand, we settled for the radio.
Now us in the office, along with the rest of the world, were now tuned into what was happening.
And the second plane hits.
There's that feeling of horror when we all realised that something was wrong. Its no accident....
The rest of the day unfolds with updates every hour painting a more and more grim picture.
In 2008, I took a trip to New York to visit a friend - and whilst I didn't consciously plan it, it coincided with the anniversary in 2008. I went to ground zero on 9/11/08 (11/9/08). It was an overwhelming experience. Seeing the empty 'holes' where the WTC once stood; visiting the little chapel, amazingly still standing. I expected to see lots of people, but was astounded with the amount of 'protestors'. It was a peaceful, reflective feeling, but there they where, people who were claiming it was an inside job. 'The American Government should pay' their banners read. And so on. Everyone has their right to a protest, but I felt sad that these people weren't remembering the people who died that day.
As an amazing tribute to the WTC, in the evening they had two massive lights shining where the towers stood.
World Trade Centre Lights
9/11/01 is a day burnt into the memories of the world.
* The New York Times has put together a nice site http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/us/sept-11-reckoning/viewer.html